Opening Day is supposed to be about hope.
Hope that your offseason worked.
Hope that your prospects break out.
Hope that this is finally your year.
Unless you’re a fan of the Boston Red Sox or the Baltimore Orioles.
Then your franchise has spent the entire offseason trying to convince you that losing is actually a long-term investment.
The GOPI rankings don’t just think these teams will be bad.
They think these teams have a legitimate chance to be historically, offensively, “are we sure this is a major league roster?” bad.
And somehow, they’ve arrived there in completely different ways.
Boston Red Sox: If We Can’t Earn the First Pick, We’ll Make Sure Nobody Else Does
There will be plenty of opportunities this season to revisit the Barry Bonds trade.
Believe me.
I’m keeping the receipts.
But once Boston controlled its own first-round pick, subtlety went out the window.
First it was Shane Mack and Dante Bichette getting buried.
Reasonable enough.
Veterans.
Trade bait.
Makes sense.
Then Boston looked around and apparently decided, “You know who else needs Triple-A? Everyone.”
David Ortiz?
Gone.
Mike Cameron?
Gone.
Paul Konerko?
Gone.
The entire starting rotation?
See you in Pawtucket.
At this point, the Red Sox aren’t tanking.
They’re conducting a sociology experiment to determine how many major leaguers you can hide in Triple-A before the commissioner notices.
David Ortiz may finish his third professional season with fewer career at-bats than virtually any Top-6 draft pick in league history.
That’s not player development.
That’s kidnapping.
The best part?
They’re not even pretending anymore.
Unable to move veterans like Shane Mack and Dante Bichette, Boston has reportedly made it crystal clear that they have no intention of finishing with anything other than the worst record in baseball.
If they have to send more players to Triple-A?
Fine.
If agents get mad?
Fine.
If fans revolt?
Also fine.
Winning baseball games has become an inconvenience.
Honestly, it’s hard to blame the commissioner for already floating Triple-A reform.
When one franchise forces a rules discussion before Opening Day, you’ve probably found a loophole that wasn’t meant to exist.
Baltimore Orioles: At Least They’re Honest About It
Then there’s Baltimore.
Oddly enough…
…they’re the adults in the room.
Think about that for a second.
The Orioles didn’t hide their good players.
They sold them.
Steve Avery?
Gone.
Johnny Damon?
Gone.
Kenny Lofton?
Gone.
If you had a pulse and trade value, congratulations—you were somebody else’s problem.
The difference is Baltimore actually got something for its suffering.
The Orioles now own enough first-round picks to host their own draft.
And unlike Boston, the players who are still on the roster actually appear destined to play.
Dwight Gooden is pitching.
Miguel Tejada is playing.
J.D. Drew is expected to open the year in center field.
Sure, Paul Lo Duca is reportedly starting in Triple-A.
But compared to Boston?
That’s basically fielding your best lineup.
Baltimore isn’t trying to fool anyone.
They’re a league-operated franchise waiting for permanent ownership.
Their job isn’t to win.
It’s to hand the next owner a clean cap sheet, a pile of draft picks, and hopefully enough talent that they don’t immediately regret buying the team.
It’s ugly.
But at least it makes sense.
The Race Nobody Wants to Win
On paper, Baltimore is the better baseball team.
Which says significantly more about Boston than it does about Baltimore.
The Orioles have embraced a traditional teardown.
Trade veterans.
Collect assets.
Play the kids.
Lose naturally.
Boston has chosen… whatever this is.
They’re not rebuilding.
They’re hiding the evidence.
And here’s the kicker.
They’re both sprinting toward the bottom in a year where the prize isn’t even that exciting.
The 1998 draft class is fine.
Not great.
Not terrible.
Fine.
Tim Hudson.
Lance Berkman.
Freddy Garcia.
Some nice players.
But we’re not talking about the kind of class that makes you intentionally lose 110 games.
Which somehow makes this entire exercise even funnier.
One organization traded everyone.
The other sent everyone to Triple-A.
Different strategies.
Same destination.
The only real winners?
The contenders in the Federal League East and United League East, who should spend the summer beating up on what may generously be described as “major league opponents.”
Enjoy the race, gentlemen.
Somebody has to finish with the worst record.
And if Boston has anything to say about it, they’re not leaving that to chance.